Lu Unfiltered

Category: Discomfort

  • When

    the gremlinscome calling,they are scary, andcunning. They talk to us,in our own voices,knowing,we’ll believethe horrible thingsthey arethrowing around,their sole aimbeingtobask in oursorrow.They are gluttonsgrowing faton our fear,and shame,and the shadowsof ournot-good-enoughs. They prefer usweak,and small,and doubting.Oh howthey enjoythese things. And we canstay there. Hidingunder the bed,or in thecloset.Breathing hard,chest wetfrom our owntears. Or.We can simplycall…

  • Chapters

    in books are soeasyto spot.A neat titlepage,often also anindex upfront,indicating exactlywhen a new chapterstarts. Life is notlikethis.We oftenstumble fromday to day,only to lookback weeks,months, oreven yearslater,surprisedby aha momentsof new beginnings,changes inhowwe feel,and occasionallyeven whoweare. Why am Icallingthis outtoday?Well, it’sto remind myself,and you,that we areconstantly learningand growing.And thisincludes closingout oldchaptersin our livesto makespacefor newones… So looking…

  • Blissed out

    who knewthat thiswas evenathing.My bodyhumscontently.My mind isclear.My nervoussystem is dialledtoa deepforest green. Who knewyou would actuallycomeback,like you saidyouwould. Who knewwe couldpuzzle pieceour weekstogether,chatting andlaughing,while buildingthis ordinarylife,filling ourmarble jarto the brim.We bothknow therewill be withdrawals,and kinksin theroad ahead.There will bethick salty tearsin the back ofmy throat,and therewill alsobe more bliss,as we,the novicesstumbleforwardinto this randommagnificencewe continue to…

  • What are

    the storiesyou tell yourself,when you’realone in your bed?Or in thatdark placewe all go to hide,which also happensto hide ourlight? What arethe storiesyou tellyourselfwhen you’re ridingthe waveof unexpectedwindfalls andgrace? Have you perhaps,like me,forgotten thatyou are thesameperson, in boththese instances?Yet these strories,are very likelyto beuniversesapart. Why does thismatter, Dear One?It matters becausethe story setsthe course,it trims your…

  • The longing

    is real,and uncomfortable.Like beautifulstilettosthat are justa tiny bittoo tight…At some pointbittersweetshifts tounbearableand one hasto broker somerelease,or at leasttemporary respite. And while theprudent ormore togetherindividualsamong uswould advocatefor temperance,perhaps evencounselrestraint, orat the very least,quiet, modestsuffering,I have no suchqualmsand howllustily asI contemplatethe dire situationconstitutedby yourdistinct yetunfortunateabsence,knowing full wellthatthe heart wants exactly,whatthe heartwants:you. ~Lu

  • Peeling onions and other tricky life bits

    So the storygoesthat one canavoid cryingwhile peelingonions,by biting intoa match,and havingthe flint endhang out,not unlikeAndy Cap. Peeling humansseems to bea similarlytricky pursuit,although I’mnot quite sureofwhat oneshould bite into… For humansand understandingthem,and what you findas you peelback the layers,can be supertricky.For we area truly flawedspecies of equallyflawed individuals,and mostof us,prefer not toloose face. So what now?Does…

  • Ever

    take a knifeto a gunfight? Ever walkinto a dingy,dark alleyand realisethat thatwas a ratherrookie mistake? Ever have amoment sittingwith a strangerwhohas his fingerup your nose? Metaphoricallyor real,these moments,if survived,certainly bringclarity,albeit after thefact. Canthis new friendbe trusted?Is this the right path?Does one trulyneed a nosering?Or a nipplepiercing?And if so,which one? And whatabout anothertattoo? Or simplya new…

  • Considering meeting Cerberus and other birthday complications

    Birthdays can becomplex.On the happinessand lightside of thescale,there’s cupcakesand sprinkles,presents andjoy. There may alsobeneglect, orindifference,or simplyhaving nothingto give,or share. These aresome of theearly years’ birthdaythings. And yet,we move on,we grow,without thatpony, or puppyor senseof belonging. As supposedadults,they may retaintheirsame power:flipping theswitch back tothose vulnerabletimes…Waiting forother humansto arrive,only forno-one to pitch,being left out,or simplybeing consideredinconsequential. Yet…

  • And then

    we talkand I blowthe doors of my heartwide openexposing my fearand panic.And I literallysay exactly what’scrept under myskin,suddenly appearinglike an itchytapeworm,the compulsionto scratchso strong,while my blooddrips slowlyto the floor. And you tellme what I need toknow,and it’s not pretty,or tidy, or sugar-coated.It’s gritty, and horribleand tender, andreal, and itbreaksmy hearteven more open,to love you,to keep…

  • The kindness

    of strangers,can betricky toanticipate andunderstand,at the bestof times,and at the worst,can leave onequite flabbergasted. See,kind people reallyarejust kind.It has very littleto do withyou,their oftenunintended audience. So really,much likeothergreat thingsthat happenin life,it’s very muchhappenstance. This meansthatpeople will indeedbe people,and showyouexactly whothey trulyare.All you haveto doissit up,take notice,and tally thescore,so to speak,remembering alwaysthat you too,are a person,and…