Tag: fear
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Uncertainty
really is everywhere.Will that dreadedthingever happen?And when?And what willhappen then? Andwill I ever beok again?And what willpeople think.And will Ieven cope, andbe able toshow myface. For Imay fail.I may tryand stumble.I may be overestimatingmy own greatnessby the truckload.Yet: how willI know?Unless I diveoff this bridge, knowingthat I’m notpacking aparachute? The answer reallyis simple.I’ll only know,…
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I make
myself small.Head down,body foldedup.I wantto beinvisible, orrun, far away.Puttinghuge distance betweenmeand thisterrible thing. I don’twhat to beexposed. Asweak, as stupid,as thinking moreof myself,than I should. Ofbeing found outasnot beinggood enough.With aspirationsabove myrather modeststation. I watch this movieunfold. In my head,and inmy body.Discomfort,panic and clammy palms. I stay withit.And ask: If not me, then who?Where is…
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Living in your head (and other dangerous places)
There isa place, Igo to, or ratherthat I am oftentrapped inside, inadvertentlyand withlittle hopeof escape. My mindscapeis oftenterrifying.Cutting meoff atthe knees,and leaving afrightened, paleand insipidversion ofme,on full display,to be goadedand ridiculedby all Imeet. Yet in thislies thecrux of the matter also…For these terrorsonly ever playout on thecanvas of myvery own mind. And the tragediesand disappointmentschronicalled…
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And tonight
he dreams and speaks in a language I don’t understand. I startle awake. Uncomfortable vulnerability flooding in. I already care too much about this man. My vested interest in his future and what makes his eyes twinkle with delight, being severe. I’m completely naked, and it scares me. My old pattern is to run away…
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Dear friend
this too shall pass. And NO it won’t take you, with it. YOU are magic and stardust and bubbly on wet grass. YOU are wisdom, and wonder and strength, and deeper than the dark water you refuse to swim in. YOU are mine, partly, as I long to be there. To hold your hand, and…
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I’d been waiting
for a while now for the other shoe to drop. See shoes come in pairs, after all, and it’s best to keep one’s expectations rooted, in reality, or even to pass begin and go directly to disappointment jail, and its favourite chum, disillusionment. And so I watch you carefully, for signs of your mask slipping,…
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What exactly
to do with all of these powerful emotions. Feel them? Run? Wait for them to pass? Fear them? Phew. I really wish I knew. Perhaps I should simply ask you? ~Lu