Lu Unfiltered

Tag: possibility

  • Blissed out

    who knewthat thiswas evenathing.My bodyhumscontently.My mind isclear.My nervoussystem is dialledtoa deepforest green. Who knewyou would actuallycomeback,like you saidyouwould. Who knewwe couldpuzzle pieceour weekstogether,chatting andlaughing,while buildingthis ordinarylife,filling ourmarble jarto the brim.We bothknow therewill be withdrawals,and kinksin theroad ahead.There will bethick salty tearsin the back ofmy throat,and therewill alsobe more bliss,as we,the novicesstumbleforwardinto this randommagnificencewe continue to…

  • What are

    the storiesyou tell yourself,when you’realone in your bed?Or in thatdark placewe all go to hide,which also happensto hide ourlight? What arethe storiesyou tellyourselfwhen you’re ridingthe waveof unexpectedwindfalls andgrace? Have you perhaps,like me,forgotten thatyou are thesameperson, in boththese instances?Yet these strories,are very likelyto beuniversesapart. Why does thismatter, Dear One?It matters becausethe story setsthe course,it trims your…

  • One more sleep

    until thegood stufflands.One moreweekuntil mybigpresentation.Four moremonthsuntil mybirthday. As kids weoftenembraceoptimism, enthusiasm,and theglee of waitingfor greatthings tohappen. And thensomewhere inthe messy middlewe turn thatdial the otherway,towards prudence,caution,sensibility,not-sticking-your-neck-out-ness, andselfpreservation. No.I’m dialing that back.I want a lifewith an endlessconveyor beltof happy surprises,constantly beinganticipated and often rollingin. And yes,I will most certainlyfail at this,sometimes:much anticipatedevents, opportunitiesand people willfizzle and…

  • The longing

    is real,and uncomfortable.Like beautifulstilettosthat are justa tiny bittoo tight…At some pointbittersweetshifts tounbearableand one hasto broker somerelease,or at leasttemporary respite. And while theprudent ormore togetherindividualsamong uswould advocatefor temperance,perhaps evencounselrestraint, orat the very least,quiet, modestsuffering,I have no suchqualmsand howllustily asI contemplatethe dire situationconstitutedby yourdistinct yetunfortunateabsence,knowing full wellthatthe heart wants exactly,whatthe heartwants:you. ~Lu

  • I love

    being greedywith time.Splashing it aroundlike it’s a nearunlimited resource. Oh wait,it is. Whenit comes to theright people,that is. So who exactlyare thesefolks?They arethe multipliers,the do-gooders,the joy-bringers,and the trueparticipants tothis, yourone preciouslife. They bringknives,to cut through thecrap.They bring crumpledup maps,of places and mindscapesthey’ve explored.Sometimes,they bringvisions that wouldput even theOracle of Delphito shame. And perhaps,most importantly,they bring…

  • I put

    three bottles of winein the fridgethis morning:rosé,pinotage,and a cap classiqueI’d been saving.That said, this volumeof alcoholis alsomorethan I haveconsumed inthe lastsix months. So whatis actuallyhappeninghere? Well, see,I’m doing thatthingthat mosthumans dowhen we likesomeone,and also feela littlenervous…We pull outall thestopsto try toimpress them. I realisedwhat I wasdoingby the timeI closed thefridgedoor. And yes,I do believethat, in…

  • Peeling onions and other tricky life bits

    So the storygoesthat one canavoid cryingwhile peelingonions,by biting intoa match,and havingthe flint endhang out,not unlikeAndy Cap. Peeling humansseems to bea similarlytricky pursuit,although I’mnot quite sureofwhat oneshould bite into… For humansand understandingthem,and what you findas you peelback the layers,can be supertricky.For we area truly flawedspecies of equallyflawed individuals,and mostof us,prefer not toloose face. So what now?Does…

  • Ever

    take a knifeto a gunfight? Ever walkinto a dingy,dark alleyand realisethat thatwas a ratherrookie mistake? Ever have amoment sittingwith a strangerwhohas his fingerup your nose? Metaphoricallyor real,these moments,if survived,certainly bringclarity,albeit after thefact. Canthis new friendbe trusted?Is this the right path?Does one trulyneed a nosering?Or a nipplepiercing?And if so,which one? And whatabout anothertattoo? Or simplya new…

  • Considering meeting Cerberus and other birthday complications

    Birthdays can becomplex.On the happinessand lightside of thescale,there’s cupcakesand sprinkles,presents andjoy. There may alsobeneglect, orindifference,or simplyhaving nothingto give,or share. These aresome of theearly years’ birthdaythings. And yet,we move on,we grow,without thatpony, or puppyor senseof belonging. As supposedadults,they may retaintheirsame power:flipping theswitch back tothose vulnerabletimes…Waiting forother humansto arrive,only forno-one to pitch,being left out,or simplybeing consideredinconsequential. Yet…

  • And then

    we talkand I blowthe doors of my heartwide openexposing my fearand panic.And I literallysay exactly what’scrept under myskin,suddenly appearinglike an itchytapeworm,the compulsionto scratchso strong,while my blooddrips slowlyto the floor. And you tellme what I need toknow,and it’s not pretty,or tidy, or sugar-coated.It’s gritty, and horribleand tender, andreal, and itbreaksmy hearteven more open,to love you,to keep…